Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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