dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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