My room smells like vodka and shame
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
