my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
