Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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