if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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