Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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