I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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