Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
