a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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