Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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