he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
