I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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