bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
