Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
