Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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