Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
