im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
