I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
