you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
