wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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