mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
