I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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