I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
