I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
