1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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