Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am naked and annoyed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
