I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
