Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
