My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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