his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
