i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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