Soap is not a condiment
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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