Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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