Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
farters have to be the big spoon...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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