I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
