Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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