I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
