If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
