M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
