she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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