I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
