i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
