During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
