I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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