Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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