CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
