I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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