so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
