wakey wakey hands off snakey
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
