you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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