Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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