return my video game
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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