drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm both gender and math confused
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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