Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
