your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
