OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
