tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Everclear isn't food dammit
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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