sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
