tell your sister to shave her snatch
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
