right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
