Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
is it fun? or sober?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
