$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
