I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
