i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
