my room smells like sperm. sweet.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
