fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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