you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
