i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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