Already got asked if we're dating
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
