Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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