i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
