He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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