He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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