Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
