hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
