remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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