mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
