i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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