...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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