maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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