wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize