Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
