I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
