i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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