I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
