I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
