Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
