I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
