His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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