I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
