wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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