i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
